The World Cup is over, which means America can finally stop performing polite interest in a sport that asks for 90 full minutes and occasionally delivers a score of 0-0. That is not a result. That is an unanswered email. Soccer fans will say the tension is the point. I understand that. But in America, we prefer our tension with points on the board, wings on the table, and at least one person yelling at the television like the quarterback can hear him through the screen. Now we can return to...

Somebody always says they’re going to make grandma’s recipe like it’s simple. It is not simple. Nobody wrote it down. There’s no recipe card, no measurements, and definitely no clear answer when you ask how much seasoning goes in. how black family cooking really works Grandma used to say, “just look at it.” Mom says, “add a little.” Auntie says, “you’ll know.” Now everybody’s on the phone acting helpful while giving you absolutely nothing. That’s the whole tradition. You stand over the stove,...

TEXAS IS NOT JUST HOT. IT IS A PERSONAL INSULT! WE ARE CURRENTLY LIVING ON THE SURFACE OF THE SUN! OPENING YOUR FRONT DOOR FEELS LIKE GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY A VOLCANO! WALK OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW! DO IT! YOUR EYEBROWS WILL DISAPPEAR IN THREE SECONDS! YOUR SHADOW IS CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR SHADE! THIS ISN'T A WEATHER PATTERN! IT IS A FULL-SCALE ASSAULT BY THE ATMOSPHERE! WELCOME TO THE LATEST EDITION OF THE JOKE OF THE WEEK! I’M MARY BOYCE AND I AM OFFICIALLY COOKED! TEXAS VS THE WORLD: THE...