“The End Times, But with Space Heaters." - Mary Boyce

Texas woke up today, looked outside, and said, “Now hold on… this feels personal.” The weather decided to cosplay as Antarctica just enough to cause chaos. It’s cold-cold. Not “cute sweater” cold. It’s that cold where the heat is on, the socks are doubled up, and folks are still standing in the kitchen whispering, “Why am I shivering?” The thermostat says 74, but Texas emotions say 12. Outside, ice is just sitting there, bold and uninvited, like it doesn’t know this is a warm-weather state.

The moment Texans realize it’s icy, the Great Grocery Stampede begins. People rush stores like they’re filming an apocalyptic movie. Bread disappears first—nobody knows why, but it’s tradition. Milk is gone. Eggs are gone. Someone is panic-buying cinnamon rolls “for survival.” Carts are full of candles, snacks, and one confused watermelon. People are walking fast but slipping slow, apologizing to the ice like, “My bad, I didn’t see you there.”

How are you doing in this surprising weather?

Sit back and enjoy the comedy of Mary Boyce!